Communication is everything and we are increasingly distrustful of each other. People are afraid and confused. Families and long-time friends are turning on each other as if our shared history is worthless compared to ideologies most didn’t think a lot about a decade ago. Families split this way in (what the US calls) our Civil War. All of the isms, assumptions, and demands are getting a little fasci-dystopian for my liking. Particularly given that most arguments in life can be traced to simple misunderstandings - if our ego allows us to notice and accept it.
Labeling is a natural instinct that can be used “noble” or “low” purposes. Whatever those words mean. Whether an act counts as “noble” largely depends on what someone imagines a noble and their schtick to be. Is it a heroic rescue done by an upstanding person? A specific type of landholder doing something with real estate? Is “low” referring to socioeconomic class? Fart jokes? Something more sinister?
Who decides? You! Me! Everyone! All the time. But how often do you ever hear people clarifying terms in ordinary conversation? Without being mocked, I mean. A dictionary can get us close to a common understanding, but it does nothing to address the less tangible meanings based on our experiences, biases, and emotions. Nothing about the entry for salmon will tell you I still remember how it felt throwing it up in front of a fancy restaurant when I was 5. If I’m being polite, I will just say I don’t care for it and my memory may be a little too good.
We use words figuratively, literally, in wordplay, entendre, deception, exaggeration, slang, and insult. This is a factor that makes learning foreign languages challenging and confusing. Even in the same language, simple words can mean different things to different people. We may be ashamed to admit they don’t know a word, or may not grasp it’s meaning. There is a fair bit of “I know it when I see it” which is fair since everything is subjective.
Some use these nebulous areas to obfuscate and gaslight, with plausible deniability. Relying after the fact, on a more creative, literal, figurative, or ancient interpretation nobody EVER uses for a pretty commonly accepted term is a clue.
Labels are useful. Making early trades, proposing marriage, sharing known resources, and warning of danger are all fair enough reasons to unpack our adjectives and understand what we are getting into. I am a decent tester, in part, from years of hypervigilantly weighing possible horrible outcomes of any misstep or misunderstanding. That could be the AuDHD or PTSD. Either way, it was just me.
It’s useful to have a box for “toxic,” to the extent we can define the term. It’s helpful to share what’s in that box to warn others of danger. We may share the label we use. They may claim to understand. That doesn’t mean we are working with the same definition. Same-ish is not the same. Fuzzy logic leaves room for confusion. No bueno.
People use similar tricks for memorization. It’s hard for me to remember a Kristen vs Kirsten, but somehow never miss a Melody or Joy. I memorized the Gettysburg Address in 4th grade, assigning each line to literal game boxes in the back of the room, Ants in the Pants was the first line. Once there was 100% agreement on what each box meant, everyone could be sure I was saying the correct thing. There would be no way to quantify it otherwise.
Intellectually, we know generalizations do not stand up. Not all any ever. So why do we allow ourselves to be rolled up in someone else’s definition of us, then get offended for being “misjudged?” Is it really so important to “fit in” that we stuff ourselves into tiny boxes that sort of match, without regard for individual traits, aside from “joiner”? Our beauty and fashion industries sure seem to think so.
As a strong, open, sassy, middle-aged, woman with children who cares about stuff. You can guess which labels I get lumped into. I know I’m not alone in finding labels I was mostly okay to be lumped in before no longer mean what I understood them to, or fit me, if they ever did. Anyone in a vulnerable “them” can tell you it is dangerous to be mislabeled and held accountable for the ideologies and actions of others. We are forever at the whim of the people assigning and interpreting labels, and however they feel about them on any given day. Which, along with public opinion, is subject to change at any time. That is a little terrifying.
I am far more often told who I must be rather than asked who I am. It seems pretty fucking inefficient if you ask me. Not that self-labeling isn’t also problematic - plenty of self-identified “nice guys” demonstrate attributes of “incels.”
Language has a life of its own. Words and phrases often don’t mean what they first did, or do by the time finally learn them, or do a decade later. A compliment to one person may be an insult to another, or the same person in a different situation, so context and intent matter a lot. One reason finding common ground such a chore is that some indoctrination received consists of being told the “thems” hate us, and will do anything to destroy the “us” way of life. It can make a person who believes it flinchy. Some aggressively tell us what to think and how to feel because they know best. Others are too “conflict-averse” to even ask a simple clarifying question.
Addressing Gaza without being accused of anti-Semitism is one example. Make no mistake, one group’s fear-based programming does not override another’s right to simply exist. We used to deprogram brain washing like this. Now it’s just another asset for profiteers to cash in on.
As I’ve said, there is no “left”, left. The whole hot mess was right of center long before I got here. Similarly, terms like “free/slave,” “dominant/submissive,” “gay/straight,” “black/white,” “right/wrong,” “good/evil,” “woke/anti-woke,” or the pejorative versions of similar, all mean wildly different things to people, based largely on emotion.
We throw labels around like we speak the same language, when arguably, we are no longer living in the same fucking reality. People walk away convinced the other must be the idiot. Likewise. We are all idiots. It is by design.
You’ll notice we aren’t struggling over the meaning of “yellow,” “kind,” “funny,” or “tall” either. It is emotionally charged buzzwords and their adjacent attributes that got fuzzy. Fake news post-truth reality helped and not by accident; it was a formula assisted by technology. Broadcasting, big data, communications, ads, clickfarms, hacking, bots, robocalls, algorithms, AI, and all that tech money. All tools that could have been used by anyone for anything. Some chose to use them to mislead and divide us for their own benefit. The intent and bias of those making and using them should matter a great deal to us when we are the target audience. We keep hitting the feeder bar instead of considering the source or purpose of the fix. Isn’t it weird that advertising, politicians and wars all have “campaigns?”
Orwell got it. A lie becomes the truth, becomes a lie again. Buddhism tells us everything is and is not. The great American melting pot of SchoolHouse Rocks! era has become the land of, “immediately prove what sort of ‘them’ you are so I know how to handle you.” Woah! Ever heard of foreplay? Leaving a little to the imagination? A slow reveal? “Why go diving straight for the clit boy, what’s wrong with a little kiss?”
In addition to being rude and dehumanizing as fuck, that is treading very close to “show me your papers” for my liking, like we never even read Star Bellied Sneetches, or learned of McCarthy and Salem’s various witch hunts.
One person’s freedom fighter is another’s terrorist. Every (whoops, generalization) label is in the eye of the beholder. It always has been, but it’s more palpable now that people seems so aggro about them these days. Some people feel entitled to expect the rest of the world to be fucking mind readers and walk on eggshells to accommodate them while also baring their souls and credentials. Shall I also juggle on a unicycle and peel your grapes? Nobody made some stranger on the internet my keeper. Fuck all the way off with that, foolish mortals. Only MY dumb ass can slip and choose to play along and beg for validation and acceptance and decide to feel some kind of way about it. If it happens, that’s MY problem, not theirs.
“We’re all mad here!”
The opportunistic hop around all the time, trying on personas and identities to suit their goals or followers. Trump was once a Democrat without ever embodying those ideals any more than he embodies Christianity now. Former CEOs sit on government committees regulating the industries that gave them golden parachutes. It’s almost like we can’t trust random labels! Whether out of arrogance, ignorance, need for acceptance, vanity, deception, cruelty, opportunity, or farce, people can and will call themselves and others anything they want at any time. Independant, a pogo stick, woke, a cunt, a pickle, a table, a kumquat. They are only words. Without a common agreed upon meaning for them, we are chasing our asses through infinity and dying mad about it when we could just communicate better.
It’s stupid playground cooties shit. I’m not woke, you are, hahaha. Kids in Tacoma were playing Covid tag prior to lockdown too, for fuck’s sake - can we not set the bar just a little higher for the adults in the room?
I’m rubber and you’re glue. If it offends you, fuck off, and figure out why because it’s all on you, boo.
“Thou doth protest too much.” Handle yo’ shit.
Discernment is our responsibility. We do our best, but it’s a jungle out there. Now even more splinters are catching my eye: left vs. left, gay vs. pride vs. trans vs. feminists; religions have always done the faction thing, but hip former preachers vs. organized religions (woohoo!). It is up to us to determine, from the firehose of propaganda from ALL sides what in the actual fuck is going on at any given moment. Critical thought should be applied to all media. Emotion-baiting music, images, charged or coded language, and use of stereotypes are tools of manipulation. Follow money around to find out who wants you manipulated. Look up information about known lean, bias, and backing of sources. Check for look-alike names or tiny “local” publications. Who is that domain registered to? For how long? Starting around election season, maybe? What type of ads they run (is it the same ones on scammy sites with weird health “tricks?”). If the first story mainly seemed reasonable, what about the next two? Are these written or syndicated from other sources? An echo chamber of an obscure source, or a larger more respected one?
It is possible to present information in a neutral way, without such manipulation. Survivors of trauma can relay information about what happened. Abusers are the ones with the dramatic tale of woe. They know precisely what they are doing, eliciting sympathy they crave. No sell is quite as “sticky” without shock value. Outrage gets clicks. Closers get sales, I mean, campaign donations. Sources that choose to manipulate know exactly what they are doing too. Using these tactics was someone’s choice and choices are made for a reason. Just like animation. Someone decided to draw those panels of the creepy baby groping Jessica Rabbit. They did not just appear there.
So lets talk about funnels. For the uninitiated, “funnels” are how you click on an ad and end up sign up for something. These honeytraps use big data, like a game of logic Plinko, to sending us “related content” that may become more radical (or just pushy upsells if a sales thing). Facebook monkeyed with feeds and showed some of us happier vs more depressing stuff a few years ago. Netflix and Amazon know how to recommend movies. Same idea. I hear the “manosphere” funnel is enormous. Girthy, even. Similar things are targeted at many different “labels” or categories of people. They could lead to Bilderburgs, woke, Trad Wife, cooking channels, cross-fit, whatever. The places YouTube goes when you let it keep going.
A lonely young man might find something about dating advice or how to meet girls. An older man going through a divorce might find something about men’s rights or support groups. Both could end up identifying as incels somewhere down the line because they found a welcoming community there instead of elsewhere. Maybe they get pulled into a religion where the tradwives they’ve rounded up are expected to comply with sexual demands and get tied down with lots of babies, which leads to some nationalist stuff to protect all the babies. Just a possible example.
The world is a vampire and a dumpster fire. If our body, conscience, subconscious, vagus, intuition, chakras, Yoda, or screaming-on-the-inside voice are trying to tell us something; it’s probably worth listening. We don’t know until we get in there and start debugging, but in my experience it’s better to just get it over with.
Nothing makes us impervious to being targeted this way, or easier to accept people are not referring to “us” in their shitty generalizations, like having a solid sense of self. Self-confidence is unfuckwithable. Self-mastery is one path to it.
“The powers at be” seem content for us to become feral and turn on each other. I imagine it’s preferable to us noticing their role in all of this and acting on that instead. The question should have never been which party is “less evil”; it should have always been demanding to know why we are forced to choose from the worst and never offered the best. You don’t raise a C to an A by getting Ds the rest of the semester.
Party games end when we stop playing them. Neither faction, “right” nor “left” are behaving with Love or demonstrating anything I choose to personally align myself. They are both lapdogs of the corporate parties that produced them, needlessly making things miserable for others just trying to live their lives and be decent humans. “Hate begets hate” like a damn virus and I am Love. I won’t stand for it on my watch. My vote is to be earned, not bullied. No matter who is not good enough for me.
Now that I’ve doom and gloomed all over the place, I should share this entire situation has precisely the power over us we give it. I am hopeful more people will see things for what they are and act toward de-escalation and civil discourse instead of fueling the flames.
It would be a dick move not to offer some sort of guidance for anyone it helps. I think Covid taught us a few things we can fairly apply to our “hate virus.”
Isolation is terrible. It did not improve our overall mental health.
An echo chamber or bubble, selected or assigned, can also be considered a form of isolation. Blocking any and all perceived dissenting opinion is doing their job for them. There is a line between informed and traumatized. Find it.
A lot of media was consumed in isolation. We continue to have fewer live social reactions and spend more time on social media.
Fear-mongering and virtue-signalling became more prevalent, turning many more into insufferable twats. This has continued.
Data and algorithms funneled us into our -isms, as they have from the start.
We have always been, “the product.”
They are getting better and more pushy about it.
They are double-dipping, using our data to manipulate us toward specific topics and ideologies, not only openly advertised products. They target everything for the right price and we aren’t the ones paying, in currency anyway.
Our actions and responses got us here, no matter how manipulative the algorithms became. Our present political situation is the same story. People died for the rights we have. We shirked our civic duties and free-rode our asses right where they are today.
It is easy to manipulate people who aren’t paying attention. We have the attention span of fleas.
Our desire to connect, but not in person, made trading our privacy for “free” service attractive. It takes two to tango.
Us-ing and them-ing of Covid: [conspiracy] theories, nationalities, masks, vaccinations, PUA, PPE, and “essential” vs. “expendable”
These beliefs were not along party lines. It splintered those with otherwise similar beliefs, just as current events are.
As more information becomes available, people feel they were misled.
I assure you we are always being misled by someone.
As one nation under a complete moron, we suffered a layer of collective trauma countries with better leadership were spared.
We are conditioned to be completely reliant on a country that is not competent or willing to help in a real emergency.
In a parent-child situation, a protector/nurturer who can’t or won’t often causes some attachment and trust issues.
People struggling with trauma struggle to think clearly or be decisive to begin with.
The media ensures we feel unsafe every day.
Can we mask our way out of this? No.
We cannot mandate something because not everyone will comply.
We’re conditioned to believe we are “free” and must be allowed to flex it occasionally to maintain the illusion. It’s an opportunity to divide us to boot
“Stop fighting on the Internet” isn’t going to happen. We can still be smarter with our personal investment and energy.
Social Distancing.
Don’t feed the “trolls.”
To me, that is people without interest in shared understanding or genuine efforts to reach it.
They are wasting our time and feeding off whatever emotion they evoke for their own fun.
Time is life. It might be a bot/ai anyway.
Fuck ‘em or reverse troll and waste their time instead.
Stay in our own lane. We are each issued one meat puppet. People don’t like to feel bossed around. Do you?
Lead by example, not mandate; by doing what feels right to you, not what looks right or is expected of you by others. They have their own puppet to play with.
We catch more flies with honey. If someone is trying to learn more about the world, or hone in on their beliefs, that’s an effort to grow that should be commended, not mocked.
There is no reason to purposely make a well intentioned person feel defensive. It is a vulnerable situation to expose ourselves this way.
We may be the one who helps prove/disprove their preconceived belief about some ism. That’s the Lord’s work. Don’t ruin it by gloating.
Can we vaccinate? Nope, but we can slow and reverse the spread:
Make a genuine effort to engage respectfully with those who seem open to it by also making the effort.
Accept that our various indoctrinations lead people to make unfortunate choices, which others are conditioned to take offense to. Think of it as setting off a room full of mouse traps. It will end.
Some people want us to fail. Please try to be patient and show grace to someone by trying to understand their intent or perspective first. Allow them to show us who they are, for better or worse.
Do no harm.
If we can’t be civil, consider being quiet.
If we have nothing nice (or productive) to say, consider scrolling. Why fuel the flame unless you enjoy this dumpster fire?
Rolling with pigs only gets you muddy. Take the high road. We (humans) are better than this. Ok, not much better…
Take no shit.
When you run out cheeks to turn, stop turning them. Even Buddhist monks kick a little ass when called for. Stand up for yourself. Dignity is not ego. You are nobody’s bitch.
Be yourself. Nobody has the right to abuse us or police how we express ourselves. Fire off the occasional well-deserved zinger. Treat yo’ self.
Instead of my (former) go to moves of Edith Bunkering (scurrying) or Barney Fifing (shaking) to satisfy others, please feel welcome to use these fairly neutral a la carte responses if you:
[Silence]
Resist the uncomfortable silence verbal diarrhea filler.
Let a jackass have the last word.
Do you care what this person thinks? Why?
“I need time to think about it; if I have to answer right now, the answer is no.”
“We are each responsible for our own emotions, actions and the consequences of using them.“
“You have no authority over me; I am not obliged to explain myself to you.”
“Asking a clarifying question is not a personal attack; Accountability is not abuse.”
“Your opinions, feelings, and rights are no more or less valid than mine or anyone else’s.”
“Our rights end where the next person’s start.”
“You are the center of your own universe, not mine.”
“Can you clarify what you meant by, x?”
“Those are not the words I used, nor what was meant by the words I chose.”
“I am interested in understanding your perspective better, not arguing about it.”
“I feel differently about it, but was not faced with the same choices or circumstances either.”
We could each keep ourselves well-occupied our whole lives managing our responsibility for the situations we find ourselves in. If we’re smart, we’ll realize our only choice is to act in ways that align with who we want to be. We need only care enough to want to. The loudest person in the room is not any more “correct,” they are only the loudest. Nobody needs to be told who they are or what to do but that doesn’t stop people from trying just the same. If we don’t enjoy it directed at us, there is no reason to assume others enjoy it either.
Actions speak louder than words. Be the change, or whatever.
I agree with a lot of this post, re. wordusage and labels etc. however, a point I would like to make, as a kind of concession to the use of semiotics and it's practical applications within the creation of art forms, be they stills, audio visuals, musical, performance based, written word etc, is that if objective neutrality was the main objective in the formative, then what would happen to the subjective expression of emotions, be they expressed, perceived, interpreted,analysed, criticised, policed, disagreed with, banned, imprisoned for, inspired, enjoyed, laughed at, laughed with et cetera etc. ' emotion baiting ' is mentioned, as a concept, with the article. Which is funny, because that concept reminds me of pretty much every teenager I have ever taught!. And to my mind, is a natural part of the the developmental evolution of the brain,until it finally loses it's leccy and turns into different molecular compounds.
Obviously, strong emotions and interpretations taken to extreme, often narrow, view points, can ultimately create situations that are dangerous to life. Hello Mr Hitler, Stalin, Mussolini & many more. For those poor children bullied when young, for those poor adults, bullied when older how many will give up and sink into lifelong deep depressions or worse?
Unfortunately, Musk, Zuckerberg, Bezos and other 'Media Owners', may well have had childhood difficulties that they ultimately overcame, by creating their own ' Boss' personas, and living their own dreams within their own 'Planet Boss'.
Up to them , I s'pose, but in my opinion,the collateral damage this may cause, can have many unforseen consequences.
I do worry about it,but try not to.
Thank you for reposting! <3