The Rock
A fine way to ride out a pandemic, not happily ever after...
I was at an estate sale, and also viewing with my partner at the time who was a potential buyer for, “Hoqiuam Castle” an old B & B (and historical building 15 minutes from Ocean Shores, Wa) and the best restored Queen Anne home somewhere (country? west coast?). A wall had to be taken out to bring the wooden bar, which was put in before the panama canal and had to travel around.
Yep. middle floor would have been my own damn dancefloor and there was a gangplank to deer from the top floor. 7 rooms, second full residence in basement.
They were only asking $625k for it. My old ‘68 rambler is on Zillow for about 800k. Had I been paid for it, I might have bought myself a damn castle. Instead, I bought some cool old fruit bowls and stuff, became homeless again, and now live in the ghetto shoebox apartment instead. Oh well.
Hoquiam Castle, finished in 1900 and I love it. Apocalypse Dibs! You can come over for dancing parties though!
Sadly, that dude was a narc too because they find me scrumptious! Was it my last? Fuck I hope so.
Luckily, I had learned to listen to my intuition by then, and paid attention to the fact that everyone he complained to ME about only lasted about 6 months. I bugged out at the first sign of weirdness that began at around 6 months of cohabitation. No drama, no bullshit, no fights in that breakup. He locked himself in a room, didn’t answer my texts, and I just moved out. I was probably going to anyway. It was complicating my custody because my ex was freaking out, leading to him withhold our children. I’ve been a single parent whether partnered, partnered with the other parent, or it was my sibling (the child, not the partner, obvs) my whole life.
Surprisingly, he even reimbursed me for the washing machine and built-in IKEA shelving I bought for the house (mostly for having my kids there) when he sold the house.
My current partner has advised me to stop being so generous and trusting. I do not care about money until I don’t have enough to survive, nor do I care about the things it could buy until I need to replace my decks. People who care more don’t have to work hard to take advantage. I’d have to care.
Now there is no money or property left to take. Marked SAFE! lol
He also stayed in contact with my oldest daughter’s father who liked him, and told him some bullshit (I had taken narcotics from him when I moved, which I had not) which he told my ex, and appeared in legal filings against me. My own fucking broken hearts first wives club. Go me!
I’m sure you can’t imagine why I had no interest in staying with men who also displayed the most vile stereotypical “woman” attributes of gossiping and spreading rumors.
I sometimes wonder how the woman (who seems pretty cool, she was a special ed teacher and they met at the end-up in SF before we ever met, which makes me feel a bit like an “ok interim second choice” to him to begin with, which his behavior did nothing to call into question) who married baby daddy #1 feels about him gossiping with his ex’s exes. Maybe she welcomes the break.
My daughter knows enough first-hand to realize it’s all bullshit and rolls her eyes over it. I think it is disloyal as fuck (especially given the abuse and neglect of my other 3 vulnerable children while his was safe) and only confirms my rightful decision to move the fuck on from all of the above.
Interim narc (we’ll call him “The Rock” for reasons; I can’t find the zesty pic in my mess of a hard drive if I even kept it) tried to play with me because my new phone number (the move that locked me out of PayPal for 9 months) was on his phone plan. He tried a bunch of times to arrange for me to meet him, told me how much he and the dog missed me, blah blah.
If it is difficult to be impolite or stand your ground in person, there is no possible reason to grant these people access to you. I don’t even know that I’d “struggle” anymore. They aren’t worth the time I spend finding out, either. We done.
The Rock was a paratrooper. From what I’ve heard you have to be a little bonkers.
He also told me a story about “bowling for shitters” in Afghanistan. If a soldier had to poop, the other soldiers would apparently hurl rocks at them to enhance the experience. No word on if poo flinging like monkeys occurred in retaliation, but that probably would be my move, assuming I was dehydrated enough to shit rocks.
This fucker reenlisted at 40 after he figured out how the government fucked him the first time around. He came out ahead. I didn’t NOT learn some shit about the military and government from my time under him.
I’ve learned more from my partner, who was a higher-order military brat who grew up with Secret Service.
Ooh, I wonder if that means I scored my own NSA agent now?
One of my besties was an officer’s kid too. Less fancy, but she remembers losing a shoe being evacuated from a German military base in Kindergarten. And that later (when she was in middle school) two of her male friends (also military kids) planned to rape her.
The only true friend in her circle, also male, warned her and kept her safe. There have always been good men.
Everyone I’ve met since tells me I got off easy getting out early. “Dodged a bullet” was used more than once *gulp*. I’m just grateful for developing a little common sense before it became another fucking nightmare for my kids.
I had temporarily been given custodial week access to my old home (to clean after a year of no one doing so) and they wouldn’t have visited me in that home again anyway for that reason. Their father managed to get it written into our temporary orders, then spent all summer and a $50k trust fund in abusive litigation until I was pushed out again at the end of summer. Those weeks we did something fun like camping the first half of the week and I spent the rest cleaning (in horror).
During a heat wave I lost consciousness (he locked me away from and refused access to the garage with my belongings, but also the AC and fans) while moving into my AirBnB Sunday evening and had to go to urgent care.
Narcs and other covert abusers do their best work in person when they can read your body language and adjust their strategy.
In that one way my ex was not strictly lying when he said he struggled with written communication. It’s not that he can’t comprehend or discern emotions well enough. It’s that he didn’t have a preferred or necessary tool to run his game on me. I worked in tech with people who DID struggle with those things. He knew this and used it as a tactic. If you app (I DO NOT recommend it based on personal experiences) NEVER allow yourself to be rushed to an in-person date. I was assaulted twice on mine (with property damage, my brand new car dented and claimed also). I didn’t realize it was assault for 13 years.
One way Paypal can validate you is your phone number if it is not pre-paid (tried that) or on someone else’s plan (caused that). I had already been primarily using my new number, so the day he just shut it off without notice had exactly no impact on me.
I was smarter than that (for once) for this to not to impact me, which is good because I was airbnb homeless during covid, while looking for work I found a month later.
ALWAYS have a phone number that can’t be taken from you. Do the cheap forever povline if you have to and make a call to your real phone once a month to keep it.
The two things I heard last: His daughter, 1 year old than my oldest, was knocked up living in an RV or van with him and he was buying a farm in a neighboring area to Hoquiam.
The punchline: His world view is that women always come back. My rule for myself is not to return to something I once had the common sense and/or dignity to leave. You know how I love being the obnoxious exception to a rule.
Perhaps that is true for those with no standards, or have not learned some people don’t care to change things, and won’t for our comfort, or when someone has fucked with their head enough.
He continued, and was still dating his ex-wife when we met on his birthday, until I moved in. I was dating other people until I moved in and Covid hit the media soon after. For all I know I was invited to make her jealous. I wasn’t dating/engaged to her and do not care. Maybe he hoped my divorce would be even MORE dramatic, but I have conducted myself like someone under the microscope of family court, not a guest of Sally Jessie Raphael. Booring.
This dude lives for drama so he could spin showing himself as the victim. I got dragged into some Hatfield Mccoy shit over a shared dirt road with his neighbor. Both of those men antagonized each other like my mom. His neighbor ended up buying his house. The Rock thought he was pulling something over on him selling to a construction company and probably should have checked to see who owned it if he cared, lmao.
Even on SSI and Military disability, giving him an income close to my exes at the time, he still invited that white-trash Jerry Springer existence when he could have been on a beach every damn day.
Money won’t buy miserable people happiness, just more tools to make happy people miserable, or try anyway.
Maeve (the same breed as Zeus at work) helping my oldest daughter (who had chrome hair that year) with research.
Maeve again.
Sex I can get anywhere if so inclined. I did not take financial advantage of this situation any more than any other in my life. I’m a slut not a whore, dammit!
I would not fuck someone *I* did not have love for on some level (I don’t understand anger fucking) and won’t fuck someone who clearly does not love me.
They can’t get ME off anyway, let ‘em find a fleshlight or playmate who does not care.
“It ain’t me babe, no no no, it ain’t me” - Sonny and Cher
I prefer love, which does not appear to reside in the self-serving, mean-spirited, or petty.
What I miss most of all are the goats, alpacas, dog, and volunteer chicken that arrived just after I did and flew the coop just before I left.
Welcoming baby goat.
I have still been fooled by lovebombing, but that shit has a shelf life. The polys call it NRE (New Relationship Energy), and most call it a “honeymoon” phase. It is exciting learning about someone new we connect with. We settle into routines, and some of the “fireworks” wear off. They would not turn into discomfort or annoyance or disappear completely if it were ever real.
My advice is to observe how someone treats you, AND others, and especially how they talk about past partners for a solid 6 months before agreeing to anything long-term or formal. Probably before giving away I-mmunation they can weaponize against you later, but some my people tend to overshare because they are authentic. Whoops.
Someone is who they are, not the best behavior they want you to see and form a different opinion of.
This fool proposed to me, too. I doubt it was sincere. The next one to do so probably gets kicked. That’s between my heart, loins, and partner; no government entity is required.
If I don’t consent to being governed, I certainly don’t consent to being owned. I’m not a bitch. I am sovereign. Don’t be that fool, and we’ll get along fine.
I was in a situation where I needed to feel safe before we were all in a position we needed to feel safe.
There is always someone to exploit that and make you less safe. Afraid is no way to make big decisions rationally. Be careful out there.
Although it was not a forever fit, it worked out fine. I was living my best life, to the extent possible, even during lockdown. After all, look what I had left just 2 years earlier.
I can even thrive in captivity. Just not for too long.
Synchronicities with work: In addition to the same dog breed and veteran status (my boss), The Rock’s daughter was dating a Russian kid (now her baby daddy). The other tech at work is a Russian kid (about a decade older, I had to check) living in the same area who goes by the same nickname and also has a new baby. Close one.
Dopplegangers: I came across some other dude on Facebook in my recommendations who looked just like my “The Rock”, holding a red-haired baby boy (all his kids were carrot tops, he has a new grandson) about the right age. Don’t know, don’t care, don’t want to.
From what I’ve read, it is not unusual for dopplegangers to share traits. I'll assume it is true for now. Not it!
I would be interested to know if anyone has gone in far enough with one to experience that?
If it is true, I may know how a few celebrities might fuck, lol!