Some things cannot be commanded
They must be given freely
It’s a bit of an “if you have to ask, you probably can’t afford it” situation.
I guarantee you that some blowhard demanding respect will not receive it from the heart and mind of the person they’ve requested it from, whether or not that person has the common sense and embouchure to hold back hysterical laughter.
We get true respect from most reasonable people by being respectful, not by begging for it. Demanding is just aggressive begging.
Beyond that, how many more tools does the common tyrant have in their belt? Beating? Starving? Death? Really, Steve in accounting is going to take you to Thunderdome over this shit? Probably not. Settle down.
Any kid who totally got their screen time back when mom said never already knows this. We should understand it too.
Weird to put this after a kid thing, but:
BDSM 101: the dom has the power given by the sub. Otherwise it’s abuse. It is an exchange that is often painstakingly negotiated so consent and boundaries are clear. Not much different from topping from the bottom. It’s not for me for a variety of reasons, but I learned what I learned. Then you get to yell a safe word. If you cannot remember one “ow ow, all the way ow!” was readily accepted.
I’m not advocating accepting abuse or disrespect. If a person you are treating with respect is not respectful to you, a clarification/reminder/warning is warranted. It is your right to end that interaction.
Not my proudest moment(s), but: Customer Service has absolutely hung up on me for losing my shit over some nonsense in the past.
If someone in a call center sweat shop has that right, surely we do too.
We can remove ourselves or (if appropriate, there are degrees) have that person removed. We cannot make that person stop being a braying jackass at large because we do not have that sort of control over others. Hell, many lack it over themselves.
We can remove the opportunity and go on about our business. Just like Teflon baby, but less toxic! OR we can pour time and energy into making futile demands from people we have no power or authority to control until we give up or die mad about it.
Sounds like a bop!
Love is no different. We can’t demand if or even how someone loves us, but people still try. From what I understand, “love languages” are straight bullshit devised by a controlling man. Still, those who love us on some level will always respect things like boundaries and allergies, probably even accommodating quirky requests that make us happy and aren’t too taxing.
This is a two-way street, by the way, not a renovation project. If there are constant corrections and requests for modification, it may well be you just aren’t compatible. Go to all the couples therapy you want, waste as many years as you want. A dynamic that requires one or both partners to become someone they are not to suit the other is not healthy, or sustainable.
Why are we so hell-bent on holding on to what’s not for us? Is it ego? Insecurity? Obligation? Are we wasting years and decades in miserable relationships to avoid being rude? For our children? Who will be even more devastated when they learn their childhood memories were all a dog and pony show?
I saw and re-noted recently something like, “better to admit you walked into the wrong room than end up living the wrong life.”
Did you show up to the wrong science class the first day of school and finish out the term? Walk into the wrong apartment and decide you just live there now?
No. We live in a society that speeds to work and gets in a huff if someone merges in front of us or the grocery checkout line is too long. Talk about being penny wise and pound foolish.
Living someone else’s entire damn life is a huge commitment of the one asset we all have (time). Plus, there’s at least one person out there it is meant for who would do it much better anyway, and you are holding up the line.
We can’t really demand anything, because nobody owes us anything. Acting as if they do does not change that fact. What we get from others: time, respect, love, empathy and so on must be freely given. We can appreciate the gift (a literal chunk of their life) and act in kind, or not. It is a choice. Outsourcing our endless neediness will never fill it. It’s not anyone else’s responsibility or problem. It is probably your lesson to learn which no one else can do for you.
Hey, look, it’s my old pal socializing the losses (emotional labor, responsibility for your own actions and outcomes) and privatizing the gains (whatever benefits you think were derived from such nonsense).
As above, so below. Be the change and all that. It’s not complicated. Maybe find the part of you making it feel that way. It could be a clue to the way through, but the only one who knows where to find that is you.